Xepera, xeper, Xeperu

"I have Come Into Being, and by the Process of my Coming In to Being, the Process of Coming Into Being Is Established."

Leaves from a tree at autumn and sometimes still a few during winter

Those few leaves from the tree after autumn, they fall on the snow sometimes too...
This is an act of constructive thought. Neither bad nor good. Just, constructive.  read on with that theme in your mind....

I, as we all, have had struggles as of late.  Some can write the word "struggle" off and replace some other word with it. Which is fine.  Do what thou wilt.
My struggles have been finding my strength and level-calmness among what the Buddhists and Taoists would refer to as " reducing the chatter of the monkey mind".
 Other struggles per-say have been a real letting-go of a past relationship that left me with unanswered questions, like a passenger kicked out of a car on a highway.  Left to limp along the the shoulder of the highway with a bump on my head and a hazy memory and more questions confusingly answered and at the same time outright unanswered. Questions of which I now realize I will not get a truthful answer to, but just partial cryptic answers based on perception of both/either party.  Perception is all we have so I lay no blame to the information I receive even though it doesn't quite satiate my yearn for an answer, any answer. To which, the answer is there ironically and cryptically, but it's there.  Yet as "uncle Pete" says: "Nothing is true, everything is permissible." Thus, there are no answers, only thoughts and contemplation with partial acceptance of an accepted answer or  surrendered perceptual insight.
So then I relinquish some sort of culmination of the two as related- strength and answers.  Related and tied in various state dependencies regarding age, time, perception, and, of course circumstance and story.
I contemplate greatly on a few questions-
"Why should I care?"
"I know what to do, why aren't I aligning with my desired conclusion, desired forethought and afterthought?"
"Why don't I just shut that book and walk on?"
most importantly
"How the fuck did I get here and what fresh hell is this I came into/created?!"
I know more, see more, understand more than most people.  That's probably the problem.  Too many angles, too many insights, oh the list goes on... We all know those chattering minds we all have.  And we're usually left to just that, ourselves and our chattering minds no matter the extent of the reach of reaching out to others for insight to answers and strength solidified. Ultimately, you are left to your own thoughts. As you should be.
Be it to our detriment and our benefit lovingly the same in some ironically peculiar way, it's there.  Don't rise above me nor below me.  You know. We all do.
More importantly-
Don't think you can sit right there with me in my mind; with what I feel and think.  Nor shall I think I can sit right there with you in yours. I'm at least humble and noble in that regard.
But one thing I am not, nor should you be, copacetic and agreeable with mine nor your insight and translation of perception and understanding.  You'll never get there.  You'll get close. Close enough, but never on par. This applies to all. Do what thou wilt with the leaves that should have fallen during autumn but fell late during winter.

Speak to me, as a friend

The truth, really isn't