“I laugh, and it's laughter, not light, that casts out the darkness building within me, that reminds me I am still alive, even in this strange place where everything I've ever known is coming apart.”
“We live in strange times. We also live in strange places, each in a universe of our own. The people with whom we populate our universe are the shadows of whole other universes intersecting with our own. “
I am in a strange place....
A place where words fall short. A place where I have trouble even finding the words and when I do find the words, they are fleeting or aren't even close to the right words. As a "Left Hand Path Practitioner" (that's about the best term at this time even though that term falls short and is commonly misunderstood especially by new-agers and occultniks), clarity of thought and the strong ability to communicate/convey things is highly important for inner and outer work. I've been in a place where that hasn't been working so well. It seems as though the more I learn and put into practice, the more of these Strange Places moments I seem to happen upon. It's as though I need more time to process and organize the information and results therein. Maybe it's because the amount of years and time put into this has afforded me the luxury of seeing through the fluff and getting to the gold. No longer do I have to waste time filtering the fluff/shit and can identify not only valuable information but also identify actual results and at this time in the timeline. Therefore, the information/studies/work is more dense/rich/real. This information and results takes time to process. Either that or I'm going mad. Maybe both.
I've been on this path and doing the "Great Work" for over 17 years now. Early on, there were some long "breaks" and "hiatuses". Not many but there were some. For the past 5-7 years however, the work has been the most intense, deep, rich and most difficult. The results have ranged from small to great, nice and harsh. There is sometimes more than one "Crossing The Abyss" or "Dark Night Of The Soul" or what I like to call "Tea Time With Choronzon". There are many. And if you disagree, that's fine, but I think you're full of shit. Even those in degree-based work have various Abyss-Crossing, etc. Those that proclaim and boast that they are "enlightened" or hint at it, usually are not even close to anything more than another mental-masturbation or an ego-stroke. Or they are totally blind that they are only a legend in their own mind. And maybe that's all they desire. I digress, end rant.
Back to this strange place. I wouldn't call it a rut, nor a funk. I wouldn't call it something along the lines of Crossing The Abyss or Dark Night Of The Soul. It's something new. Maybe it's a type of those things. Maybe it's not. Maybe it doesn't need definition and I should just stay in this place for while and let it sort out. I am at a point in my life where a major life-event is about to occur. That could have a lot to do with it. Probably, maybe. It's all up for my own examination and analysis.
Cultivating ones on personal sovereignty is not easy. Not many even try to nor even know what that really means. We were all gifted with it. True consciousness, true sovereignty... and not by the will of anyone/thing else. Everyone was gifted with it. Some threw it away, others exchanged it for dogmatic doctrine and slavery, others have it stirring about inside them and don't know what to do with it. Most are blind to it or unconsciously ignore it.
We'll see how long this strange place lasts and see where this place leads to next. Though I care not to share it openly at this time but I am going through a major life event. One that nearly every individual on this planet will go through. I'm sure this event is part of the strange place. And there is another major event occurring with my path as well. These events occurring in my life right not very ironically and synchronistically running parallel with each other. Couple the stress, pain, and realness of it with this Strange Place I am in, makes it for a unique experience. Leviathan stirs in the depths, creating waves up to the surface... Perhaps a foretelling of it's own surfacing. One doesn't call down to the depths to Leviathan and not expect any sort of response. Be it a few bubbles, some waves, a tsunami, an actual appearance. I shall see...